Day 4: Snarling Tigers and Sputtering Euro Wives

Heading to the Tiger Temple today. Tom warns: DON’T WEAR RED, ORANGE, OR YELLOW to Tiger Temple. (Reason: Tigers eat people wearing red, orange, or yellow.)

Sammi shows up to Almost Famous bus wearing yellow. Lesley wears orange. Alternate clothing arranged.

On the drive, Tom the Tour Guide tells story about jogging the previous night when he was chased by a dog. “It was not Thai dog, it was giant Euro dog.” And there you go.

First stop: A boat ride to the Bat Cave. Many steep steps to the top -- helpers for Yi and Tha. Unlike other caves, this one was HOT -- or more accurately, humid. Hazards: Very slippery. Low hanging rocks. Bats. Tha refusing help. Overweight Euros in Speedos.

Ben bought a slingshot and shot Jake.

Boys in the parking lot were playing a cool game we saw on TV -- like a combination of soccer and volleyball. Kick the ball back and forth without using hands -- just head, feet, knees.

Off to the Tiger Temple, where monks care for tigers. Endangered cats supported by tourists like us who pay a fee to have their pictures taken with them. At first, Matt, Leslie, Yi nervous but all decide to take pictures.

One person in each group was chosen to put the tiger’s head in their lap for the picture -- because where else would you want a potentially ferocious feline’s head except in your crotch?

Ben volunteered to be one of the lucky ones until he saw a handler with horrific bite scars up and down his arm. He then passed the honor to Jay.

Matt, after trying to get out of the whole deal, also opted for a lapful of snarling tiger jaws. (Reality: the tigers barely seemed awake.)

On the way out, stopped at Happy Room where you were instructed to remove shoes and wear sandals. Ben did -- unfortunately, he put on another visitor’s sandals.

It’s not like there was a sign stating WHICH sandals to wear.

Ben’s apology was not accepted by the sputtering Euro wife of the man whose sports sandals were spoiled. We’re sure she’s still sputtering.

Train ride. Souvenirs.

Short stop at roadside market where Ben purchases belt and swimming suit with cartoons of fat Japanese men on them.

Dinner featured what we’ve found to be a common soundtrack on our trip: American pop songs. A weird mix of Bon Jovi, Abba, and the theme from “Bob the Builder.”

Hotel that night: The movie “Taken,” in English, inexplicably with mangled English subtitles. Very hilarious for all, but Sammi made to leave the room when Liam Neesom started stabbing people in the chest. Example:

Liam: If this is the game you want to play, I’m raising the price ten percent.

Subtitle: If game is this, I raise you ten Zen plants.