Elephant camp! Everyone had been waiting for this one. The opening show was standard elephant fare -- picture painting, soccer ball kicking, drum beating. Then off to training.
Everyone got a denim uniform to wear, the sort of thing you’d wear to the prison work-release holiday ball. Unfortunately, we weren’t allowed to keep them.
Confession: Matt had last-minute anxiety attack and decided not to ride the elephants, opting to hike alongside (and nearly underneath) the beasts instead. In retrospect, probably less harrowing to ride.
As happens often on this trip, Katy teaches her guide to speak English. He has loudly mastered the phrases: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOODNESS! and OH MY BUDDHA!
After learning how to get on the things, we took a long trek up a mountain where the elephants could snack on the foliage. If you weren’t careful, your elephant could uproot an entire banana tree. SUKI WHAT YOU DOING??? OH MY GOD!
The trip ends with a mud bath for the elephants -- and the humans. This part met with mixed levels of enjoyment among our party.
Dinner and a show that night. Matt’s new strategy of making faces when the “give me 100 baht” photogs show up at your table is thwarted when the children start a collection of said pictures.
Finally, a trip to the Night Bazaar -- a square kilometer of shops and hawkers. Somehow, we didn’t lose anyone and Jake bought silk boxer shorts with elephants on them.
Rode back to the hotel in three tuk-tuks -- (kind of three-wheeled motorcycle/Mad Max contraptions that would be safety-banned in less carefree communities). The ride back was like being inside Grand Theft Auto: Chiangmai, with whizzing motorbikes and stampeding tour busses all ‘round. For many, this was a trip highlight.
Travel to Chiangmai. A sign at the airport indicates things one should not bring on the plane, including hand grenades. Jay and Lesley don’t read signs, try to bring several bottles of fluids,
lotions, and curios. Once the contraband is discarded and Jay frisked, we’re on the plane to Chiangmai.
Arrive at the best hotel yet -- a beautiful spa on the river with Japanese style futonbeds that are awesome for backs.
A ‘quick’ (not so much) lunch then off to the mountain temple of Wat Phra Thad Dot Suthep. Or as I like to call it, the Mountain Temple. Took several trips around the Buddha for good luck (lots of good luck being procured here in Thailand).
Amazing mountain top view of Chiangmai . Many souvenirs purchased here, including a feather duster that really wasn’t for sale but Alexa just had to have it.
Yi doing laundry!
On way to 15 - kilometer bike ride. Ted ("my parents watch a lot of American movie") was our guide. Ben says “Best guide ever.” Ted likes MTV, Rihanna, Sean Kingston, and Jay-Z. Jake introduced him to Kanye on the ride back.
The ride was great except for the occasional stretch WHEN WE WERE RIDING ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY. No one was killed.
We stopped for a snack (pineapple and watermelon) after a few kilometers next to a school. After a lot of prodding from Jake, we went over to check it out. It was like the circus came to town -- quite possibly the first Americans most of these kids had ever seen. We met the English teacher and got a brief tour of the school as we disrupted international learning. Some girls said Ben was very handsome.
We ended up taking a ferry to an island and piloted a labrynth of shops, homes, and secret Thai hideouts. Not as fast as taking a tuk-tuk but nearly as thrilling because we were driving. Also navigated one-meter-wide concrete paths that hovered over the river -- like flying over the water with the caveat that a slip of the wheel means going off into the drink.
On bus ride, Katy and Lesley learning meaning of “bar girl.”
Stops at two amazing temples. Most climbed a very steep staircase
to top of temple. Matt walked the square courtyard through 8 smaller rooms, with architecture that tied a thread around one’s heart and pul
led the captured from Buddha to Buddha.
Many plates purchased with snapshots slapped in the center, including one with Matt looking peeved that someone was taking his picture with the intent of selling it to him later.
At second set of temples, Matt and Lesley climbed to top to discover a room they dubbed the Stinktuary.
While purchasing souvenirs for co-workers, Thai Lady offered to buy Matt’s t-shirt. Suspected she just wanted to admire the merchandise.
MONKEY TEMPLE! Monkeys everywhere in the street. Hired 14-year-old boy about Sammi’s size to protect us from extreme monkey-harm.
Started off by feeding corn to monkeys through the bars of monkey safe place. Graduated to feeding monkeys by hand -- green fruit (highly coveted by high-status monkeys), sesame seeds, jello cups.
Monkeys jumped atop several members of our traveling party, using our hair to floss.
Bangkok traffic prevented a sit-down dinner -- a combination of McDonalds and Auntie Anne’s pretzels gulped in the bus on the way to Thai Super Show.
Coolest part was when actor jumped into stage, which revealed to be a pool of water. Also masked actors resembling bobbleheads of cast of “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
Sammi shows up to Almost Famous bus wearing yellow. Lesley wears orange. Alternate clothing arranged.
On the drive, Tom the Tour Guide tells story about jogging the previous night when he was chased by a dog. “It was not Thai dog, it was giant Euro dog.” And there you go.
First stop: A boat ride to the Bat Cave. Many steep steps to the top -- helpers for Yi and Tha. Unlike other caves, this one was HOT -- or more accurately, humid. Hazards: Very slippery. Low hanging rocks. Bats. Tha refusing help. Overweight Euros in Speedos.
Ben bought a slingshot and shot Jake.
Boys in the parking lot were playing a cool game we saw on TV -- like a combination of soccer and volleyball. Kick the ball back and forth without using hands -- just head, feet, knees.
Off to the Tiger Temple, where monks care for tigers. Endangered cats supported by tourists like us who pay a fee to have their pictures taken with them. At first, Matt, Leslie, Yi nervous but all decide to take pictures.
One person in each group was chosen to put the tiger’s head in their lap for the picture -- because where else would you want a potentially ferocious feline’s head except in your crotch?
Ben volunteered to be one of the lucky ones until he saw a handler with horrific bite scars up and down his arm. He then passed the honor to Jay.
Matt, after trying to get out of the whole deal, also opted for a lapful of snarling tiger jaws. (Reality: the tigers barely seemed awake.)
On the way out, stopped at Happy Room where you were instructed to remove shoes and wear sandals. Ben did -- unfortunately, he put on another visitor’s sandals.
It’s not like there was a sign stating WHICH sandals to wear.
Ben’s apology was not accepted by the sputtering Euro wife of the man whose sports sandals were spoiled. We’re sure she’s still sputtering.
Train ride. Souvenirs.
Short stop at roadside market where Ben purchases belt and swimming suit with cartoons of fat Japanese men on them.
Dinner featured what we’ve found to be a common soundtrack on our trip: American pop songs. A weird mix of Bon Jovi, Abba, and the theme from “Bob the Builder.”
Hotel that night: The movie “Taken,” in English, inexplicably with mangled English subtitles. Very hilarious for all, but Sammi made to leave the room when Liam Neesom started stabbing people in the chest. Example:
Liam: If this is the game you want to play, I’m raising the price ten percent.
Subtitle: If game is this, I raise you ten Zen plants.
We start the day at the Train Market -- a street market literally set up on train tracks. When the train comes, the merchants do some ninja disassembling of their shop, then just as quickly reassemble back into sell mode. The children disappointed we wouldn’t let them get hit by the train.
An early highlight is a boat ride where we meet many friendly people who live on the canal. Apparently, quite content to have us floating through their backyards.
We stop at a floating market where we sample coconut juice and tiny bananas.
Then to a local (non-floating) sugar factory. Step one: Climb bamboo ladder and hack at coconut root with machete. Catch the juice. (Sammi, Ben, Jake, and THA climbed the bamboo ladder) Step two: Juice is boiled in a big pot. Then again. Then again. Then again. Finally, into a mixer where it has solidified into something like sugary taffy. Everyone got sample of different sweet stuff -- sugary! The Thai women were fascinated by Sammi and wanted to steal her (her pale skin, which she inherited from her beautiful white father). The owner of the joint said Jake’s Thai was very clear.
Lunch was at a floating restaurant where the children fed huge pieces of pork to huge pork-eating fish. Sammi and Ben buy small clay statue of a peeing boy. (Fill him with hot water and he really pees!) Alexa buys one for Asa.
The restaurant is on the River Kwai and most of the family does the Alec Guiness thing and crosses the bridge. Because it is rickety, Dad and Jake shop for sunglasses, CDs (top American hits $3!) bracelets (Jake got three for 120 baht -- about $1.50). A DJ was in the square playing live music including “Islands in the Stream," and "It Never Rains in Southern California.”
A street vendor scolds Katy for saying “I’ll think about it” -- just say no so you don’t get hopes up.
Next up was the River Kwai museum where we learned what happened to American, British, and Aussie POWs during WW II. Like the scene in Spinal Tap where they visit Graceland -- a little too much perspective.
Outside the museum, we met cocks and Beezus the dog. Several dogs follow Matt like he was wearing Snausage socks.
The kids finally get to hit a swimming pool. Apparently, it's unlike any we have in America.
Exhausted dinner at 8 - weird burgers, weird pizza.
We start with a walk through the Flower Market. There's a singing street vendor! I hum along because I don't know the words.
We have lunch at a Chinese restaurant across the street from where the government fights the protesters.
Bangkok constant: Crazy traffic with people on motorbikes moving in and out of lanes. Often between lanes. According to Tom, “If you buy your son a motorcycle, might as well buy a coffin.”
Grand Palace - so much gold. We see a Reclining Buddha the size of several football fields. Several places to take off shoes.
Lesson learned: DO NOT POINT YOUR FEET AT THE BUDDHA.
Also learned that “Happy Room” means bathroom.
Street vendors put lots of hats on Matt's head as we left. “Mai ow!” means "I don't want that" in Thai and is the best defense.
In Chinatown, we found goggles for Sammi and Ben. Ben started a Buddha collection, like most thirteen year olds. Tha is a good negotiator to have around. Matt found several small bottles each featuring a different image from the Kama Sutra -- couldn’t figure out where to display them at home so passed them up.
Last stop of the day was Vertigo and I was out of my mind with lack of sleep and jet lag. Rooftop restaurant about a jillion floors up with no railings. (OK, there were railings but I was tired and it seemed risky.) Beautiful view but not good for people with “Someone is going to fall off a high place” phobia.
The evening ends with a trip to 7-11. How do you get there?
Desk Clerk: Just go down that dimly lit alley.
US: Is it safe?
Desk Clerk: (pause) I don’t like it.
We took alternate route through parking lot with motorcycle gang and sleeping Doberman Pinschers. Bought water and peanuts.
DAY 1 Everyone makes it through Customs and Immigration with no problems, meaning previous sleepless night was for naught. (More on this another time.)
Our tour guide, Tom, picks us up in the bus from “Almost Famous”. Our driver is also named “Tom.” Actually, it's a slight variation ... Thom? Tum? Toom?
Although it’s 3 a.m. Thai time, everyone is famished so we walk to McDonalds. Unlike America, this one offers broccoli pie. As promised in America, Matt orders the samurai pork burger -- I’m lovin’ it!
Pass out.
